Day 5: How does being chronically ill make you feel?
Walking into the doctors office that morning 6 years ago, I was nervous but hopeful that I’d finally get answers. He came in and said I had a bladder Autoimmune disease called Interstitial Cystitis.
After my diagnosis, I was relieved. There really was something wrong with me. It wasn’t in my head.
But as time went by, I went through the 5 stages of grief, some more than once. It started becoming clear to me in just a few weeks how much I had changed, how I now needed limits for myself as I got exhausted very easily and usually did more than my body could handle.
Then there was Endometriosis and PFD, I did the same stages as before. Now my energy felt instantly drained when my body gave up and when I realized I would never be the person I was.
I still feel so far from acceptance and although I know the way I’ve reacted to all of this is different than many others. No one deals with this in the exact same way as others.
Maybe one day I’ll get there but as of now, I’m still bouncing around each stage like a ball thats been bounced off a wall over and over in different directions.
Maybe one day I can get to the point of acceptance.
Maybe one day.